hi everyone
you might recognize me from my previous post here and I. really need help again
I was planning on trying to use the time I have to live in my mother’s house to attempt getting myself closer to being able to sustain myself w/out her support but the situation has become more and more dire of a situation since living here again and is now an emergency. I need to be housed somewhere away from her asap
I was not able to finish college b/c of my disabilities (bipolar schizoaffective disorder, major anxiety, ptsd, and autism. also other impairments like difficulty hearing, sensory processing disorder, and spatial reasoning issues) which make school and employment extremely difficult alike. I was hoping on being able to begin the process to be evaluated for ssi while being housed here, but that became less and less of a possibility as time went on. the psychiatrists I had been seeing were uncooperative and unwilling to help me create a case for ssi and assess how my symptoms affect my ability to function, and instead insisted that they were only interested in prescribing meds b/c “that’s their job to help me get better”. these psychiatrists have also been convinced that my conditions are not debilitating, as a result of my mother swaying them by speaking to them w/out permission by contract or me w/ me present. I have attempted getting in contact with new a psychiatrist to help me w/ evaluation, but the results were the same or they were simply not able to accept me as a new patient
b/c of how my family and doctors were treating me, I attempted to seek work, w/ the pretense knowing that it was not something I could handle but my mother pushed me towards doing so b/c she believes I “have abilities despite being disabled” and my only other option in her own words is to “be locked up in the hospital”
I started a job this week, but it only took a few days for me to become overwhelmed by the duties and environment. I’m expected to work 6 days a week for at least 10 hours a day (8 hours is considered “leaving early”). the work environment requires me to be around people for the entire time, accompanied by loud constant noises and standing, walking, and lifting for hours on end. my body hurt so much after just a few days of work combined w/ being overwhelmed, I ended up breaking down in tears on the job. my coworkers and supervisor were concerned, and I was given permission to take the rest of the night off, as well as the next day. this was enough evidence to myself that I cannot be employed, but it was not for my mother
when being picked up that night (11/26) from work to leave early, she immediately started yelling at me (in unison w/ my aunt) about how I’m not really disabled, choosing to “make a political statement and be a lazy perverted queer” instead of working like everyone else, imposing and being unfair to everyone for asking for accommodations at home (not even accommodations like. she said clothes, food, and medical care were “special things” and I’m trying to make everything “be on my terms” and “what I want” for asking to be treated fairly). there was much more said, but it was too incoherent to follow as most ableist/homophobic/transphobic tirades are. once I got in the house she started hitting my bedroom door and shouting about how my problem is that I’m “just lazy”. since then the only words she’s really spoken to me are hounding me about the job and trying to push me to see if they can give me less hours so I can still work, even though this is not a job for someone w/ my disabilities and I’m certain that requesting accommodations will fail (seeing as not having any physical or mental disabilities that impair working is a requirement for the job)
I’ve been trying for months to find a stable place to live, but I’ve just been passed around from abuser to abuser. my mother presents herself to seem welcoming and willing to aid, but she only cares about her own interests and focuses on supposedly how hard it is for her to “tolerate” me. she denies that she is abusive in any form, and sees herself as being unfairly treated in this situation b/c she’s “done everything” for me and is “the only one who has my best interests in mine” b/c “no one will love me as much as her”. she’s so confident that her treatment towards me is fair, that she told me in plain words “go blog about that” after her actions this week. this is even taking into account that she’s had cps called on her when I was in high school and she lied to make them leave (let alone other things mentioned in my last help post) so here I am blogging about it
I don’t have any family members or friends in the area who could house me. I’m in san francisco, california but will go anywhere in the pacific northwest as long as I can get there and am ensured I have a safe place to stay. I can’t pay rent/food/utilities as I don’t have much money and everything I have is from donations, but this is an emergency. I need somewhere that can house me permanently or for an extended amount of time while I try to get ssi benefits. I feel endangered in this house and I’m unsure how much longer I can be here w/out being forced out or otherwise harmed. I need to get out of here asap and I have nowhere else to turn
if you can’t offer a place to live, you can donate to me through paypal and/or signal boost this post. I’m sorry for having to talk so much at length about this but my situation is equally complicated as pressing
thank you if you managed to read all this u__u;;
